When someone loses a loved one, and others try to comfort them by saying, “Hey, it’s okay, you’ll move on”, it looks easy only on the outside, but only the one going through that phase of grief can truly understand how difficult it is to actually move on. Those years of cherished memories you’ve had with them, those incomplete dreams and responsibilities, and most of all that big void that is left forever. It’s heart-wrenching. That void is just too difficult to fill. But, while our loved one is possibly happy in the afterlife, we still got to get through our journey right? It’s the toughest thing to do (maybe deep inside we don’t even want to move on), but we got to. And here’s how we can try to do so.
- Let out your emotions and never bottle them up.
Everyone reacts very differently when they are grieving. So, don’t assume that you need to react only in a certain way. But, the only important thing to note here is that you shouldn’t shut down your emotions. Cry when you feel like crying, write when you want to, talk to a friend or hug someone. Just don’t pile up those heart-wrenching emotions trying to lock them up forever.
- Don’t be afraid to let go of memories.
Sometimes you might want to avoid looking at their pictures, their old text messages or the little things around that reminds you of them. Even if your brain tells you to move on, your heart might make you feel guilty. You might get scared of forgetting their face, those precious moments which you keep replaying in your mind etc. But just understand, that at some point you will reach this phase of ‘let-going’. Maybe you just reached it a bit soon. That doesn’t mean that you loved them any less.
- Do something that you love doing.
Distracting yourself does help in a way that you get back to your normal routine. Get a new pet, indulge yourself by restarting your long lost hobby or maybe pick a new one, work more (if you love your work/studies) etc. Just do something that makes you feel happy and stay away from things that make you feel unhappy.
- Channelise your love for them into something productive.
If there was something that they used to do that really inspired you or a dream which they left incomplete; take it up. You can carry on their legacy by taking charge. It might not be easy initially, but definitely fulfilling. Not only does it give you a purpose, but it helps you channelise your love and remember them in a healthy way.
- Invest your emotions in new, trustworthy relationships.
These can be just friendships, not a relationship to fill the void of that loved one. But rather, just new friendships or re-kindled old friendships to help you invest your emotions in a healthy manner instead of closing up the doors of your heart. And no, you don’t have to feel guilty thinking that you are having a social life, enjoying yourself or forming new attachments. While that void is held safe in your heart, you can surely form space for new people.
- Create an environment where you can adjust to their loss.
Of course, it will be difficult to adjust coming back to their empty room or vacant bench, or their static FB timeline with ‘Remembering’ written on their profile. But, that’s where a few tweaks will help. Try making phone calls to your other close family/friends, play some good music to change the vibes, seek solace in prayer, and if possible change your location (it does help a lot). The idea is to create a new lifestyle where you learn to move on.
- Learn from the process and take necessary steps.
Going through each phase of grief is really difficult, and most of the times you might feel weary to even take care of important things like financial matters (which need to be dealt with soon). Especially, losing a bread-winning member can be really tough on the surviving ones. One of the things you can learn is to be prepared for your loved ones so that they don’t suffer when you aren’t around.
While moving on when you lose a loved is really difficult, one thing we need to know is life moves on. And so, we need to, so that we can do our best for our loved ones as long as we are alive. One thing you can do is opt for regular income plans for your family, they can give a regular income of Rs 50,000 to your family in case you’re not around. You can pay the monthly premium that starts from about Rs. 380 per month. For such a small monthly premium, you can ensure that in case of death, your family still gets Rs. 50,000 every month to cope with the monthly expenses. Although, there will be no payout made if you survive the policy term. It can be purchased online directly from the insurers website in just 10 minutes. Also, these plans give provide tax benefit u/s 80C. You can start by calculating your premium here:
Cherish the life you have right now, cherish your loved ones you have right now.